Motherhood

I thought it would be a perfect day to write this blog post since my favorite little boy will be 11 years old tomorrow… 11. I told him he’s not allowed. That instead he is turning 5 again. I gave birth to him, I can dictate how old he will be, lol. I am quite certain I will cry.

I wasn’t with his father long before I became pregnant. I remember the terrifying feeling. 21 years old, had no idea if we would make it as a couple and I thought my dad was going to kill me. I remember calling my dad and telling him I needed to speak with him after work, in person. He guessed it immediately. He wasn’t happy, but my dad loved me and he took care of us during my pregnancy. My sister in law was pregnant at the same time so it was nice to have someone understand where I was coming from. My pregnancy was relatively easy. I did get put on bed rest in the 8th month due to high blood pressure, but I worked my full time job on my feet until then. I was proud of myself. My labor was hard. 36 hours hard. He would not budge. That child was so stubborn he did not want to come out of his home. I had an emergency c-section and after began hemorrhaging. I remember them calling code blue and afterwards had to have a blood transfusion. It was the scariest moment of my life. I slept for days and couldn’t even hold my son. I think I missed the important bonding period because of my health.

He was a beautiful baby. A big baby, lol. 8 pounds 11 oz. This was a blessing in disguise because he had acid reflux and lost a pound when we went home. He was relatively healthy, we had some digestive scares, but after some probiotics and home remedies, we got it worked out. My parents kept him so I could return to work. They said it would only be for a couple of years but they loved him so much they couldn’t bare to send him to day care. He was my dads buddy. My dad always said he didn’t know what he would do with a boy, he had my sister and I so he was surrounded by girls. But he loved my son so much he would take Tai just to have guy time. I am certain Tai was my dads favorite person. It is hard not to make Tai your favorite. He used to hand me my wedding rings and ask me to marry him. He would write me notes about why I was the best mom ever. He would tell me he didn’t need to do anything else because he had his mommy. He used to want to give money to the homeless. He asked me to pay for people’s orders when we went to eat or I got coffee. He wanted to go around our neighborhood and bathe peoples dogs for them, just to give them a break. He has the kindest, sweetest soul. I would love to take credit for it, but I can’t. God created this child different. He is pure and amazing. I always thought I wanted a girl, but instead God gave me my best friend. Being a boy mom is the greatest. I don’t know why God trusted me with this beautiful little boy, but I am so thankful He did. He gave my dad so much joy when he was sick. Even when I am sick, he is one of the only people that can bring a smile to my face. He gave my dad laughter and comfort during the hardest time of his life. I don’t think he will ever understand what he means.

Motherhood is terrifying. I fail daily. I feel like I am the worst sometimes. It is exhausting, and difficult. But it is the greatest blessing I could ever have been given. My child changes the lives of all of those he encounters. He has made me a better person. I don’t want my son to be like me, I want to be like him. Happy Birthday my perfect little boy. Your mommy loves you more than life itself.

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