“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” -Psalm 42:11
The human race has struggled with depression since the beginning. David was considered a “man after God’s own heart”, yet he was crying out. Asking why his soul was so downcast… why he felt so disturbed. It brings me comfort to know a man after God struggled with some of the same things I do. Depression is sneaky, debilitating, and DARK. The enemy whispers lies so often you don’t even realize what is happening. Then you look up and you are in darkness for days. Little things contribute to this. You allow yourself to get sucked into things you don’t even think will make a difference. Doing nothing with your life, reliving past hurts, being bitter and unforgiving, laziness, and fear. I keep singing the song Fear, he is a liar… over and over. He takes those little lies about you being unworthy, useless, zero self-confidence…and he preys on it. Trust me when I say friends, your thought life determines everything. If you think about the bad that could happen- you believe only bad will happen. If you think no one is FOR you, you will believe you have no one. If you replay bitterness, you will become bitter.
Depression is a battle. You have to be on the defense with it every single day or you will succumb to the trap again and again. Mental health is so important. We are not doing our part to help and protect our people against it. It just isn’t discussed enough. I had a teacher once tell me the word he could use to describe me was pensive. Pensive means to be engaged in, involving, or reflecting deep or serious thought. If this isn’t me I don’t know what is. I am always thinking. My brain does not shut off. Even on the beach in Florida last summer I had a million thoughts in my mind. People say they worry about those that can’t get out of their own head, and I agree. I get this from my dad. My dad was always thinking. It’s good and bad. You can replay scenarios in your mind and get so many things wrong. You can assume. You can even lie to yourself. About others, and about you. In my own world, I have to retrain my brain. I have to allow others to love me and make mistakes, because Lord knows I make so many of them. I have to release fear and anxiety, bitterness and depression, all that holds me down. I have to learn to love myself, forgive myself, and take care of myself.
I have dreams and positive aspirations I have stuffed down because I believed I could do no good. But when we have those lies, it is because the enemy is terrified of what we can actually accomplish. I have a purpose and a reason for still being here and it is not to sit around and waste. God has big plans for me, I will discover what it is, and I hope I have people along for the ride. I am not done, just unfinished…
“But I picked myself back up
And I started telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
He’s still working on me”